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Lately, I’ve been feeling a deep sense of gratitude for our childfree life - an almost quiet contentment that feels directly tied to our decision not to have children. The truth is, for us, it wasn’t a difficult one - not that we didn’t spend a few drunken nights debating the pros and cons, but it was never a grueling, multi-year conversation. We were both leaning that way, so when we finally landed on it, it just felt right. It made sense for us.

There were many reasons we chose to be childfree (I wrote about that a while back here), but the core one wasn’t about the environment, politics, or our careers - it was simply that we liked our life as it was. We valued our independence and flexibility, and we wanted the freedom to do whatever we wanted, whenever we wanted. We didn’t want to worry too much about money or have to work until we were 60. We wanted the option to live anywhere in the world. We wanted fewer worries and a simpler life - the time and resources to pursue passions, whatever those might be (there are infinite options!). Other reasons added to the pile, of course, but you can always justify anything one way or the other. The truth is, independence was the core reason for us.

To be clear, I know we’re giving up something, and for many, this might be the most important experience in a human’s life. And we’re okay with that! We’re all giving up experiences all the time. Parents are also giving up a life without children - they’ll never know this level of freedom - and that’s okay too. Every path comes with its trade-offs, and I think real peace comes from owning yours fully.

Every single childfree person I’ve met is happy and fulfilled - not bitter or regretful, as so many expect (or even hope). I’m sure regrets happen, but you know what else happens? Parents regretting having children or longing for the life they left behind. It’s just less talked about, buried under the weight of what being a “good parent” is supposed to mean.

I’ve written about being childfree (and shameless) before, but felt compelled to do so again for two reasons. The first is how often my partner and I remark that, with every passing year, we feel more validated and happy with our decision. We feel truly fortunate *not to have children* - and I think that’s worth celebrating and sharing, especially for those out there who need some reassurance: a childfree life can be a truly wonderful and fulfilling one. Don’t let anyone convince you otherwise.

The second reason is that it still surprises me how much of the world doesn’t understand this choice, and often pushes against it, usually in passive-aggressive ways. I recently posted a photo of me holding the newborn of good friends, and the amount of messages I got mentioning that I “look good as a mother,” or were shocked I was carrying a baby, or said I was “finally practicing,” or other near-sighted comments, was baffling. I know they’re not trying to be mean or offensive, but that’s like excusing outdated behavior because “they don’t know better.” Everyone can learn and grow, and realize that what once was okay no longer is, because as a society we’ve (in some ways) progressed.

Sometimes I think people react this way because our choice challenges the default narrative: that parenthood is the only path to purpose. But here’s what I want to say, loud and clear, for those in the back:

• Not having children doesn’t mean you don’t like them, or don’t want to help raise them, or build deep, meaningful relationships with them. Seems obvious, but it’s worth shouting from the rooftops, because this stereotype refuses to die.

• Not having children doesn’t mean I don’t think I could be a good mother. I know we would be good parents if we chose this - but we didn’t! You’re not going to convince me to have a baby by telling me how good a mother I’d be or that “we’re the type of couple who should have children.”

• “Never say never.” “You might regret it.” “Make sure you consider all angles.” These are simply condescending comments. They imply that you think we haven’t thought it through, that you know us better than we know ourselves, and that you’re somehow more enlightened (usually because you have children). We have. You don’t. You aren’t.

• Do not - and I repeat, do not - feel sorry for childfree people or tell them “you’ll never know true love.” We’re doing just fine, thanks.

In Puerto Vallarta, we’re surrounded by childfree friends. They don’t define themselves by that label, but it’s clear this decision shapes how they live - how they spend their time, use their money, and pursue what lights them up. There’s a shared ease in those friendships, a mutual understanding that life can be rich and meaningful in many forms. Honestly, witnessing the fulfillment and happiness of childfree people is a beautiful thing in a world where this lifestyle is still uncommon, judged, and frowned upon.

We’d choose the life we have now - and the one we’ll hopefully have for many decades to come - over and over again. My hope is that someday, a childfree life will be celebrated just as openly as any. Until then, we’ll keep living ours fully, freely, and without apology.

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I started writing this blog post in mid-January, a week or so before starting my new job and a couple of weeks before flying back home to Park City. Shortly after that we decided to sell our place there, so between the new gig, packing, and an intense desire to spend all our free time snowboarding, cooking, and cocooning at home, many months have gone by in a flash, and I haven’t put words to paper, not even a single sentence. It sometimes weights on me, but most of the time I know it’s just what I needed at the time, and honoring what my body and mind *needs* is a small mercy in the relentless push I put myself through in the pursue of things I *want*.

Now we are back on the road, traveling through Italy until September - something I definitely want, but like to thing I need :). And wow, being away from places I am used to is always such an inspiration. So much newness - different nature, food, people, and ways of seeing and approaching life - is a shock to my senses in the most wonderful way, it sharpens them! The differences in the environment make me so much more aware of everything that is happening - of how the light hits that tree, or the curious way people express themselves, or the abundance of a specific breed of dog, or how on time public transit is (or isn’t), or what is always on the menu. When I am traveling and exploring I am always asking questions, researching something online, reading about whatever I found curious that day. It makes me feel like all the 3 year olds I have spent time with recently, in a constant state of curiosity, asking myself and everyone around me: “but, why?”. Traveling makes me inquisitive, in ways that delight me and make me full of life.

All of this to say: Hi, it’s been a while!

But, although I wish I could boldly state that I am “fully” back, ready to be posting every Monday as I did during the glorious 16-month in which traveling was our full time job, the truth is that I know I can’t commit to that right now. At the moment, we are digital nomads who work full time for demanding tech startups. Yes, we are fortunate to be able to do that while also roadtripping Italy, but between exploring and working there is little time left in the day to do anything else.

That said, I will do my best, because writing always makes me understand myself and the world better, and hopefully it also brings you some joy, or inspiration, or knowledge, or simply entertains you while you are on the toilet ;)

So, back to finishing the post I started in mid-January - can you believe it’s already June?!

At the end of last year I finished reading “Die with Zero”, a book about why and how you should aim to die with zero money on the bank, literally.

Well, it’s a bit more complicated than that, but the core premise is that you should focus on maximizing your life enjoyment rather than on maximizing your wealth. In other words, you should live life to the fullest by using your money wisely and deliberately, and spending it all while you are alive and healthy.

Side note: even though this is not a book review or anything of the sorts, I feel compelled to mention - because I know there are many of you wondering about this - that the author is not suggesting you don’t leave anything to your children or subsequent generations (if that is what you want), but that you should do this while you are alive. For more on that, read the book :)

The philosophy of the author, Bill Perkins, closely aligns with our own and how we tend to look at life, so it was a refreshing - though slightly repetitive - book to read.

The whole experience made me want to write down what our philosophy is. How, exactly, do we see life? What motivates and propels us to live the way we do?

So, here is my attempt at summarizing our philosophy to its most simple form:

• We are hyper aware of our own decline and mortality, which translates into a focused hunger for *not* leaving to tomorrow what we can do today. Basically, because we don’t know what will happen in the future - how long we will live and in what shape - we don’t want to wait to live a life we love today.

• We see money as a conduit to experiences, and we see jobs as an important part of our lives but certainly not as our identities. We want *just enough* money to allow us to have the experiences we want in life. We have no desire to spend time accumulating more than we need. In fact, we see time spent accumulating unneeded wealth as a waste. A waste of valuable hours and effort, a waste of good hours days and years, a waste of life.

• We believe we will only regret the things that we didn’t do. Hence, we are generally quite open to “risky” decisions, such as quitting our jobs or moving, if that will allow us to have the experiences we are seeking.

All the above believes have led us to the life we have today, one in which we prioritize experiences and are aggressive in the pursuit of them. One in which, as an example, we quit our jobs to travel the world for 16months in our mid-30s. This was hands down the best investment of money and time we have ever made. Sure, we could have saved even more and do a more lavish trip when we “retired”. Sure, it was a risk to quit our jobs, what if we didn’t find new jobs when we were back? Sure, we not only lost our salaries during that time but disrupted the course of our careers and likely tampered future earnings. And you know what? It was worth all of that and so much more.

So, your dream might not be to travel the world or retire early or live in many places, and your philosophy might have zero overlap with ours, and that is okay! The advice here is: get clear on what your philosophy is, and spend your money to realize it. To start, think and talk about the (near) future! We spend a lot of time envisioning a certain type of life in a certain type of place (usually not more than 5 years into the future), painting a picture of it in our minds and getting excited about it. Once we have this picture in our heads then decision making to bring it into reality is so much simpler, even if the decisions are hard (and most times they are extremely hard).

Also, don’t think about this future life vision, or even your philosophy, as a forever thing. Nothing is forever! Life is full of twists and turns, and you can change your mind on anything and everything. What Alan and I wanted five years ago is not what we want today, and that is what is fun and exciting about it all. It’s easier to commit to something when you know it’s likely you will change your mind, and can pivot later on.

I always hated the typical interview question of “what do you see yourself doing/being in 10 years”. I always wanted to scream: I DON’T KNOW AND I DON’T CARE! Ten years is a freaking lifetime. Truthfully, even at 36 years old, I don’t know what I want to do when I grow up. I can probably tell you what I’d like to be doing in one year, maybe three, but even that is a stretch. The only thing I know for sure is that in a few years what I thought I wanted today would have changed, transformed into something new by the weight of everything I will experience from now until then. So, I am going to spend my money and time on making my near future dreams a reality! Of course it’s okay to have some big lofty dreams that never change - such as retiring early for us - but don’t let that stop you from enjoying your life today.

So, going back to the idea of “dying with zero” and our philosophy around money, if you have similar ideas to us then your next logical question is: what is *just enough* money and how do you calculate that? Basically, how do you make sure you don’t end up working for 2 or 5 or 10 years more than you need (and die with unused money in the bank, which is a lot more common that I thought). This is a good question and depends on a myriad of different things including where you want to live and what you want to be doing when you retire. I am not going to go into all of that now, but thankfully if you want to learn about this there are a myriad of resources out there about the FIRE (Financial Independence, Retire Early) movement, and the different ways to approach it.

But, what I do want to share is that in our opinion even more important that having clarity on this number is to not delay enjoyment of life until you achieve that. It’s not about accumulating and accumulating until you hit that - at least not for us - it’s about having a life filled with joy while you are at it.

As an example, one of the core ideas of the book and something we found particularly useful as an exercise was this concept of “Time Buckets”. Very high level, it’s a way to understand what you want your life to look like and have some more specific direction. How? First, draw a timeline of your life from now to the grave (you can calculate your life expectancy or just pick a number), and then divide it into intervals of five or ten years. Then, and this is the important part, think about the key experiences you want to have in your life. Don’t consider the money at this point, just make your dream list.

You might want to have a child, spend a summer in Spain, go rafting in New Zealand, learn how to blow glass, run a marathon, start a business, hike the Himalayas, see the cherry blossoms in Japan, join a nonprofit board, get married by the ocean, take your mom on her dream trip, learn German. The possibilities are endless.

Then, start putting those experiences into the year buckets. This is one thing that makes this different than a simple “bucket list”. Going through this exercise makes it crystal clear that our lives have seasons, and that age can matter. So, for instance, you probably wouldn’t want to put “rafting in New Zealand” in your 80s bucket. You might still be able to do that then - who knows! - but it’s a lot likelier that you will have the energy and desire to do so much earlier in your life.

Through this exercise you might realize - as we did - that some of those experiences won’t happen at all if you don’t start to plan for them now. And, sure, the list will change with time; experiences will get added or taken out, some will get crossed out and others modified. The point is: time buckets help you be proactive. Maybe give it a try?

This is just one example of a specific tool we found useful, but the core premise is: live fully today, take calculated risks, and plan intentionally. We all want our lives to be rich in experiences and joy, but often forget we have to be purposeful in creating that. Ultimately, it's about defining your own philosophy, being proactive in achieving your dreams, and embracing the flexibility to adapt as life evolves.

Until next time!

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Recently, I laid for an hour in silence on a massage table while a woman hovered her hands above my body. She was an expert in a Japanese form of energy healing called Reiki. Normally, I would never seek something like this - there is zero scientific evidence on Reiki’s benefits, and yes, this is an important criteria for me. But, I am always willing to try new things, whatever those are, and a friend who was visiting was interested in the practice.

So there I was, laying on a bed listening to birds chirping and feeling absolutely nothing out of the ordinary. My friend, who had her session before me, was so moved afterwards that she literally cried. When the practitioner finished with my session she told me I was in a very balanced energetic state - thanks! - and also asked me if I wanted to have children because she had seen, and removed (!), a cloud over my pelvis area. I told her I didn’t want to have children but what I really wanted to tell her was: “Return the cloud to its rightful place!!”. But, anyways, I doubt the absence of the cloud is stronger than my IUD, so we should be good.

This experience made me reflect on my opinions and biases regarding spirituality, specially given I have spent a large chunk of the last decade on a place that is considered an “energy vortex”, and which has been aggressively marketed as a spiritual place for many valid and also many BS reasons. Everyone in Tulum has had their astrology birth chart done (don’t ask me what this is), and you can’t meet five people without one of them being some type of spiritual, energetic, wellness shaman.

The truth is that one of the reasons we decided to buy land in Tulum all those years ago was because we liked its “hippie” vibe, and although what used to be a low key atmosphere has long been replaced by a high-on-a-horse Tuluminati aura of expensive and fancy spirituality, some of its origins remain. All of this to say that I am often exposed to conversations and activities that are spiritual in nature, and hence I tend to think more about these things when I am here. And the reality is that I often do an internal eye roll when listening to these topics (i.e. I feel very identified with the reel below :)).

Please note that if you, like many of my closest friends, consider yourself a spiritual person, please know I do not judge you in the slightest and this is not a post about shaming those believes. It is, as usual, a post about me exploring my personal believes around a subject at an attempt at identifying and managing biases.

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More and more people, particularly young, self-identify as “spiritual but not religious”, which I briefly wrote about on another post about atheism, but that label has always felt inadequate to me, because my believes don’t fit into a neat little box. Maybe yours don’t either?

You see, I believe that we are all connected to each other and to nature. I believe in the inherit goodness of people all over the world, and on the sometimes inexplicable bonds we form with other beings. I believe there are hyper-sensitive people, extra aware and intuitive of other’s emotions and desires. I believe that mind and body are intricately connected and that creating space to process whatever weights on our hearts is imperative to being healthy. I believe in the power of meditation and yoga and music and dance and friendship and therapy.

But also, I don’t believe anyone has any special supernatural power that others don’t, like the power to the see the future or your aura. I don’t believe in any pseudoscience; not in astrology as a way to discern information about who I am or what will happen to me or the world, not in Feng shui as a way to harmonize your surroundings, not in chiropractic or acupuncture or any type of alternative medicine as a way to improve health.

So, am I a spiritual person? I dunno, It all depends on your definition. Do I consider myself a spiritual person? Sometimes :).

Ultimately, I think you get what you seek. My friend sought out the Reiki session because she knew - even if she didn’t fully understand it yet - that she had something to work on, she was open and ready to process a heavy feeling in her heart. And that is what she did, Reiki “worked” for her. I think this applies to most everything in life, even when we can’t articulate it we know when something is off within ourselves, we know when we need to figure out ways to process how we feel, and that (hopefully) leads us to seek ways to do that. Whatever way you choose - whether therapy, or meditation, or temazcal, or acupuncture - I see it simply as you creating an opening, a space to let yourself feel, to let yourself process. And we all need these spaces, so regardless of what your spiritual believes are, regardless of what your logical or non-logical brain tells you, know that by simply acknowledging your need to process hard feelings and finding ways to do that, you are honoring yourself.

So, who knows, maybe I will do another Reiki session someday, when I am open and ready for it….but probably not. I will, however, continue to seek other practices that align more with my worldview to feel at peace, both physically and mentally, regardless of what is happening around me. And I wish you the same.

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Like most of the world, I have been struggling to make sense of the horrific scenes unfolding on the other side of the world. The images, videos, and testimonials of what is happening to civilians on both sides of the conflict are dizzying and maddening. The reminder, once again, of what humans are capable and willing to do to one another, in addition to the extreme nature of most opinions out there has been truly disheartening.

I am no expert in this long regional conflict or in this particular flair of extreme violence, but I need to put words to feelings, I need to try to articulate this knot in my throat, because when I write I understand myself and the world better. I am not here to try to convince you of anything, though I hope to make you re-consider any extremist stand you might harbor. But, ultimately, I am just sharing my personal opinion.

As someone who is married to a very liberal man who was born and raised in a very conservative Jewish community, I find our position somewhat unique. In this very particular case, we are not in a liberal bubble - as usual - but instead we are exposed to a wide range of opinions from both sides, coming from friends and family that we love deeply. The one thing that’s been the most obvious is that opinions are extreme, they are either on one side or on the other. To be in the “middle”, to be in a grey zone, to have a somewhat nuance opinion, feels lonely and dangerous right now. But that is where we are. So to get us on the same page - or not - let me tell you what we stand for:

Hamas is a terrorist organization that committed gruesome crimes against civilians in Israel.

Hamas does not represent Palestinians or the two million people living in Gaza.

Palestinians have the right to be free, to live in land not controlled by anyone but themselves, they have the right for self-determination.

The state of Israel has systemically oppressed the Palestinians for decades.

No civilians deserve to be terrorized or killed, whether they are Palestinians or Israelis.

Jewish people are not synonymous with the Israeli government.

Antisemitism is never okay.

Now that we got that out of the way, let’s be extra clear: the terrorist attack Hamas unleashed on Israel on October 7th was a deplorable and horrific act. Hamas attacked civilians in their homes and kidnapped concert-goers. They terrorized thousands of people and indiscriminately killed as many. No matter your opinion on *anything*, if you care about human lives, if you have any empathy at all, then condemning the Hamas attack should be simple.

It is also true that these attacks are a (violent and unjustifiable) response to an oppressive system, a response to the desperation of people locked in what is essentially an open-air prison for decades. Have you ever seen Gaza on a map? It’s 25 miles (40 km) long and 5 miles (8 km) wide, around twice the size of Washington D.C. It has a population of 2 million, half of them children. It’s fenced off with basically no open border to any country. Food, water, internet, and electricity is fully controlled by Israel.

When Alan and I visited Israel many years ago, we also chose to visit the West Bank in Palestine, and my most vivid memories of that day are the hundreds of water tanks in every single building, and the tall walls and fences separating the land. “Water is cut all the time by Israel, so everyone has several tanks to have enough water for a few days”, our guide told us nonchalantly. I thought about that phrase all day, and the past week it has been resonating loudly in my mind. When one side of a war can control the water supply of the other - the most basic human necessity - then you know it’s not a simple war between two sides.

More than 6,000 bombs have been dropped on that small Gaza enclave in the last week, thousands of civilians have been killed, many of them children. Half of the population in that small sliver of land was told to migrate or else. To where? How? For what? Forcing a population to migrate or be killed is called ethic cleansing. Let’s call it what it is. So, yes, please do condemn and grief the Hamas attack, but don’t use that grief to justify more terror.

And also, don’t let that terror push you to extremes. Understand that Israel doesn’t represent all Jewish people, no matter where they live. This fact should be central to this discussion. Any form of antisemitism is a cowardly and disgusting reaction to Israel’s actions. And, unsurprisingly, there is a lot of that going around. The Israeli government also doesn’t represent all its citizens, regardless of their religion, and it’s not okay to paint all Israeli citizens as the bad guys. Just as we shouldn’t treat all Russians as war-thirsty criminals and boycott all their businesses, but that is a story for another day. Think about it, have your views always been represented by your government? I doubt it.

Be critical, don’t let the propaganda on either side of this conflict get to you. It’s simple, innocent civilians are being terrorized by both sides, but one has infinitely more power than the other and the support of the strongest military in the world, and that is important too.

Ultimately, I wonder how long this war will go on for, how many innocent lives will be lost. I wonder how will we look back twenty years from now at this moment, how it will be taught in schools around the world. I suppose this is how all atrocities happen, in plain light for all to see. But as you go about your day, know that staying engaged and informed, and not amplifying extremism is sometimes the most you can do, and that is okay.

Here are some articles on this topic I have found interesting lately:

A three-state solution is the only viable future for Israel and the Palestinians

What is Hamas?

Israel / Gaza: Another Way

What’s the Israel-Palestine conflict about? A simple guide

5 books to read to understand the Israel-Palestine conflict

Economic possibilities for Gaza

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I have been feeling restless since we arrived to Tulum, somehow not fully here, but also not anywhere else. In a sort of limbo, reflecting often about how I think I should feel, but also totally confused about how I actually feel.

Being somewhere so beautiful, being reminded often how lucky I am to live in “paradise”, doesn’t help clarify anything, it actually makes things murkier. It’s like the world is telling me that feeling anything but joy in a magical place is not allowed, it’s an impossibility. It’s a constant internal fight between what I actually feel and what I think I should be feeling.

This is a feeling I have experienced many other times in my life: the weight of the should.

I should be grateful.

I should be happy.

I should be perfect.

My internal self-talk never letting go: “What am I even complaining about? Who do I think I am to ask so much of this world?”

Maybe you have felt this weight too?

And then I stumbled into the video of this beautiful song by Bomba Estereo, one of my favorite bands, called Ahora / Now, and things sort of clicked. The song starts with these lyrics:

Estoy aquí
Estoy sentado en el lugar correcto
En el momento correcto
En el tiempo correcto
Deja que tu corazón se abra
Y repite este mantra:
Estoy bien, estoy bien, estoy bien

—

I am here
I am sitting in the right place
At the right moment
At the right time
Let your heart open
And repeat this mantra:
I am okay, I am okay, I am okay

It’s funny how the lyrics of a song, or a line in a book, or a phrase someone says to you in passing can have the power to center you, ground you, remind you that now is really all we have. I can dwell on the past and worry about the future, but neither of these feelings are productive and I know this. I just needed a reminder.

So, I am here, surrounded by lush and beautiful jungle, appreciative of this special space I get to call home, frustrated with the slowness of the job market, grateful for a weekly swim in warm Caribbean waters, overwhelmed by repairs and improvements to our home, joyful at learning new ways to work my mind and move my body, disappointed in the state of the world.

Estoy aquí y estoy bien / I am here and I am okay

Following this simple realization, I started being more and more conscious about being present in my day to day life. And although I am absolutely no expert in this, I thought I’d share what I learned and what I have been trying to practice to be more present each day.

None of this is a mystery or something new and novel. It’s basic stuff, but basic stuff doesn’t mean it’s easy to do! Actually, this stuff is hard, you have to be intentional about it, calculated, thoughtful. But I promise you it’s worth trying.

Here we gooooo:

Move! your! body!

Nothing is able to bring me more into the the present than moving my body, challenging it and feeling my heart pumping inside my chest. Without fail moving my body *always* clears my mind. My advice is to find something you enjoy, not whatever you think you *should* be doing (again, ditch the should!). Whether you focus on one or ten different practices, move slow or fast, in groups or alone, intense or calming, doesn’t matter. What is important is to just do it. Prioritize it. If you find it hard to stick to a routine by yourself, then get a personal trainer, join a group class, or buddy up with a good friend to keep yourself accountable.

Other ideas to successfully make moving your body part of your routine: establish a consistent and specific schedule (i.e. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday at 8am); while working out limit distractions, turn off your phone, lock your room, etc; if you are not feeling inspired by a type of workout then change it up, ditch it and don’t look back; create a workout space, even if it’s just a tiny corner of your room or living room still designate a specific area for workouts (side note: as someone who workouts everywhere she is and moves around a lot I can tell you that truly *any* space can be conducive to a good workout, so don’t let your space or lack of it keep you from doing this).

As we are often on the move I have become well-adjusted to doing workouts at home, lately I have been doing either Heather Robertson’s workouts (free) or Jeanette Jenkins’ ones (paid). There are plenty of other websites/apps and channels focused on other types of exercises as well, I have tried BeachBody, Glo, Insanity Program, and others. Now that we are in one location for a few months I started going to group classes of pilates and also belly dancing, and it has been wonderfully challenging.

Work your mind

As you work your body, you also have to work your mind. Your mind needs to be taught how to bring you back to the present when you wonder into the past or the future, because this is not an intuitive thing to do. Training our minds how to be mindful is hard and important. Meditation is a powerful tool for this, but I will be the first to say that it’s difficult to make it a daily practice, or at least it has been for me (send tips pls!). I have had months in which I am very committed to the practice and dedicate at least 10min a day to it. But then somehow I always fall off the wagon. But, I *know* it’s good for me, so I keep coming back to it. Headspace is a great app to start trying to meditate.

That said, meditation is certainly not the only way to work your mind and practice mindfulness. Here are some other ideas I have put into practice that might work better for you too:

• Mindful breathing. Just as it sounds, you don’t need to be meditating to practice mindful breathing. At any moment, when your mind is wondering and you want to bring it back, just take a few conscious deep breaths. Focus on the sensation of the breath entering and leaving your body.

• Journaling. Write what you feel, reflect on your experiences and emotions without judgement. Even if it’s only a few phrases a day, even if you are just notting them down on your phone, whatever works!

• Intention Setting. Start your day by setting specific intentions for what you want to accomplish and how you want to feel. Come back to these intentions throughout the day, check your progress, and modify as needed.

• Visualization. Dipping your toes into meditation 101, just take a moment to close your eyes and visualize a peaceful moment. Picture the sensations and emotions associated with it.

Get out of your comfort zone and try new things

Learning new things can be an extremely powerful way to be more present. New experiences are often challenging, which requires you to be more present and attentive as you navigate the unknown. When you focus on simply going about your routine you can end up in autopilot, not fully present because your brain follows familiar patters (like when you drive, run, or drive a bicycle). Trying new things disrupts these routines and encourages you to be more present. So, sign up to learn that language you have been wanting to learn for years, go on that solo trip you have postponed many times, commit to learning how to bake, sign up for that glassblowing class, learn how to garden, etc etc.

Create time to do things you already love

Might seem obvious and simple but we very often don’t do this. We get busy and other things and other people take priority over ourselves. But if you want to be more present, it’s important to find time to do the things that bring you happiness. Remember that time is not found, it’s created. You are the owner of your time, so don’t let external factors take over, don’t become a passenger on your own ride. I know it’s easier said that done but take charge, schedule time for yourself, say no to commitments that get in the way of this, eliminate habits that take time without giving you anything back, wake up earlier, and delegate responsibilities so you can free up time. Go on that bike ride, allocate an hour every day to read that book, set boundaries so you can cook at home, stop scrolling and dance instead, get up early and go on that hike.

Practice gratitude

Consciously feeling grateful is a sure way to be more present and appreciate the current moment. But what does this mean exactly? Honestly, it could be as simple as taking a few minutes of your day to think through a few things you are grateful, big or small! For example, right now I am grateful for the somewhat annoying singing of the Yucatan jays outside my window (bc that means we haven’t yet driven them out by all the construction in this small but growing town we live), I am grateful for the papaya with lime and mango juice I am eating and drinking (bc it’s fresh and yummy and not easy to find elsewhere), I am grateful to have people in my life that love me unconditionally. What are you grateful for?

You can do this throughout the day or at some specific times, whatever works for you. For example you could do it right after waking up or before going to sleep, or at some specific times during the day, or simply when something happens that makes you feel good. This morning I was working out and it was incredibly hot and then a beautiful breeze blew over, and I stopped what I was doing, closed by eyes and felt grateful.

Limit your social media / news intake

Everyone gets this, but almost no one actually does it. I could tell you that technology can help you here: “just set up your time limits in IG and actually stick to it”, but you and I both know you will just tap out of it and go about your scrolling. Social media is designed to keep you there, the apps are not trying to help you. The only thing that has actually worked for me is being super aware of when I get the urge to open up my phone, and then redirecting that energy to something more productive. I grab my phone but open up Duolingo instead of IG/news, or put down the phone and grab my kindle to read a book, or go to the kitchen to make myself a snack/refill my water water, or literally leave the phone in another room. Consciously redirect redirect redirect!

A long time ago I also muted most notifications on my phone and moved the apps I felt I relied most when distracted off the main screen, and these things have been helpful as well. Designating tech-free zones, like your bedroom or the dining table, is a good idea I’d like to try but haven’t yet.

Connect with nature

Nature is healing, and has immense power to center and ground you. Find ways to connect to it even if you live in a concrete jungle. Stroll through your neighborhood park, go on a hike, do a picnic under a tree, go camping, or just sit outside. Let yourself be in these spaces, don’t take pictures the entire time or even listen to podcasts or talk on the phone. Truly disconnect from technology and simply be - engage your senses, pay attention - at least for a few minutes.

Find joy in the little things

Ah, out of everything in this list, I am a solid 10 at: prioritizing moving my body, practicing gratitude, connecting with nature, and finding joy in the little things. I am not great at everything else, but at least I am trying :). To me finding joy in the little things simply means: 1) to accept that small and “insignificant” things can make you happy and 2) to pay attention to your surroundings all the time.

When you are about your day, be aware, literally ask yourself: what is going on around me? Even when you are home or in some familiar place, you will be surprised by what you notice. Smell the air, listen to the sounds, look around you instead of at your phone. Pay attention to the flutter of birds, the expression of someone you are passing by, the leaves dancing with the wind, the state of your house plant (if bad, water it!), the tail wagging of a dog, the smell of fresh brewed coffee. Acknowledge and embrace that these little things bring you joy, and ground yourself in that feeling.

Accept there is a lot you can’t control, and let go

JUST LET GO! I know it’s easier said than done, but really, why hold on to emotions in regards to things you can’t do anything about? The world is a complex place, life is filled with uncertainties. We have power over lots of things, but certainly not most things. First up, accept this: there are things you can’t control, period. Then, distinguish between what you can and cannot control, and focus your energy and effort on the things you have influence over, such as your actions, choices, and reactions. Those things that you cannot control? See them as opportunities, embrace uncertainty as a natural part of life. And remember, letting go of what you can't control is a continuous practice that requires self-awareness and patience, don’t be too harsh on yourself, which leads me to the next point…

Be kind to yourself

It’s so much easier to be kind to others than to ourselves, why???? There is no reason! Treat yourself with the same kindness, patience, and understanding that you would offer to a close friend facing whatever you are facing. Literally ask yourself: what would I say towards this good friend of mine if she/he were in my position?, and then say that to yourself. This has been *really* difficult for me lately, but asking myself that question every time my self-talk is negative has been really helpful. Another thing that has been meaningful is setting realistic expectations of myself; not thinking I can do everything but instead setting achievable goals and recognizing that I am human.

Organize yourself

It’s easier to feel all over the place if you don’t have some sort of structure to your days and hours. When you don’t organize your time you become fully reactive rather than proactive, and hence you simply do what’s in front of you / what seems the most pressing rather than doing what is actually the most important and meaningful. So, to be present it helps to be organized with your precious and limited time. Here are some ways to create an environment to foster mindfulness and living in the moment:

• Prioritize your tasks, create a to-do list and prioritize it! Knowing what needs your attention first helps you stay focus and present on what is most important

• Set specific blocks of time for different activities throughout the day. By allocating dedicated time for specific tasks, you can be more mindful and engaged during those periods

• Eliminate distractions, following the suggestions above for limiting social media /news and focusing on your prioritized list

• Set boundaries! Learn to say no to commitments that overload your schedule.

• Setting clear intentions, practicing mindful breathing, and practicing gratitude can also help you be more organized

In summary, the path to mindfulness and being present requires embracing acceptance, gratitude, and joy in life's little moments. Letting go of what we can't control, prioritizing self-kindness, and staying organized can help us create an environment conducive to living in the moment. None of this is easy, but we gotta keep trying, right? If you have other ideas or things you practice to achieve this, please let me know! I’d love to hear from you.

I wish you mindfulness <3

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PS - In the last journal post (as well as in an IG story) I asked for your opinion on what to write next - thank you to everyone that got back to me! - and one of the most common request was: “tell us more about your lifestyle!”, basically: how do we make it all work? And I just want to say, I hear you! and I will write about this soon. Please do keep sending over ideas!

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Seeing my dad sitting on the kitchen table, counting the days until his retirement, I said: “only a few months away for you to be free, papi”. It had been a few rough years for him, having to leave Venezuela and then jumping from one shitty job to the next. Living in middle-of-nowhere Texas and working as a Safety Manager responding to incidents in the middle of the night. My dad was old and tired, but he needed that retirement payment from social security. So he stuck it out.

Fear can be a very powerful motivator. You see, I didn’t want to end up like my parents. I was afraid to work for 40 years straight, and even then be concerned about money. More generally, I have always been in conflict with the American expectation of working without a break your entire adult life. The expectation that should go from job to job without reconsidering what you want in the next phase of your life. The expectation of always being “resume building” and “climbing the ladder” – always pressured, always online, always stressed. If you do this, the hours you spend at work will accumulate to be the majority of your life, way more than the hours you spent with your loved ones, way more than the ones you spent dancing, kissing, cooking, hugging, eating, loving… Phew, that is a lot of hours.

I have always said that I don’t know what I want to do when I grow up, and I mean that wholeheartedly. Life is too long, too interesting, and too diverse for me to commit to anything in particular for the rest of my life. I think a more natural way to think about work is in waves. You might be very interested in something in your 20s, and then be interested in something else in your 30s, 40s, 50s, etc. One wave after another. Your interests might always be in the same industry but differ slightly, or they might be completely different. Regardless, I think it’s difficult to determine how much you have changed, and what you want to try next, if you choose to be on top of a single wave all your adult life. You need to ride the waves down and swim back out to find the new one – you need a break.

Sitting with my dad on the kitchen table, right then and there, I knew I wanted to: 1. Retire early, and 2. Travel as much as possible while I was still young. Yeah, I know, these goals are sort of in conflict, but I was committed to the vision. I told Alan, at that point my best friend and also the person I was in a very complicated romantic relationship with: “before I am 35 I am quitting my job to travel the world… you can come if you want to!”. To which he replied: “that sounds fun!”

The following 10 years were a whirlwind. Alan and I got married, decided not to have children, held 10 different jobs, got masters degrees, grew in our careers, moved 4 times, traveled to 40 countries, built a home, became American citizens, and also digital nomads. We lived, fully and completely, while also saving and planning for this long term goal, which at that point seemed far far away, and almost an impossibility, but not quite.

How we did it

Fast forward to 2022, the year we had planned for this to happen, and we are doing it! Sometimes it doesn’t seem real, because we have been dreaming it for so long. But truth be told, this isn’t rocket science. The key, like in most of everything in life, is to really want it, to prioritize it, to plan for it, and to GO FOR IT.

I find the initial reaction to me telling someone we just quit our jobs to go travel as either excitement or fear. I either get “wow that is so exciting! I am jealous!” or “wow that is so risky, aren’t you afraid?”. To me, both tell me the same thing: “this is inspiring, but I have no clue how you are doing it”. So, if you want to take a break from work at some point in your life and travel full time while you are still “young”, here is some of our advice:

Save Money

I am sure you have heard this before, and that is for a reason. It doesn’t matter how much you make, just put money aside every single paycheck. Get it out of your paycheck and into a different account (automatically if you can) as soon as you get it. And then forget that account exists (sort of, keep reading).

Get Help from an Expert

My very first manager told me I should get a financial advisor, and this is one of the best pieces of advice anyone has ever given me (thank you, Mike!). Having a financial advisor focused on retirement planning has made a tremendous difference in our life. This is not about investing and moving money from one risky stock to the next (although of course you can do that too), this is about long term planning. Besides the expert advice an advisor can bring, having a third party perspective has been revolutionary for us. Our advisor has encouraged us to make decisions we wanted to make but didn’t feel confident we could. Those decisions, such as saving for this trip and making other big life changes, have changed the course of our lives.

Commit to a date

When do you want to be able to quit your job and travel? Decide on a specific date – at least a specific year – and commit to it. Everything else you do will revolve around this date, so it’s important. Tell your family and friends about it, *share it*, make it real. Once that date is approaching (a year out or so), don’t start making excuses! IT WILL NEVER BE THE PERFECT TIME. You didn’t save all the money you wanted? Travel for less time, or to less expensive destinations. You recently started a new job? kill it for the next year and then negotiate a leave so you can come back to it. Inflation is through the roof making flights hyper expensive (like now!)? Stay in places longer, travel by land more. Just.stop.making.excuses. 

Set a money goal

Depending on where you want to go, for how long you want to travel, and what your interests are, the budget you will need for the trip will vary. It is important to determine the approximate amount you want to aim for so you can be specific about how much you need to save to achieve that by your committed date. We know people who have traveled the world for 1.5 years with $30k and others who have traveled for 6 months with $60k. It all depends on your interests and way of traveling. You can travel and just spend $50 a day, or you could spend $300 depending on where you are and what you are doing.  Things you need to consider to determine a budget:

• What areas of the world are you interested in seeing? For example, South East Asia is much more inexpensive than Western Europe, (most of) Latin American is less expensive than Australia, etc. 

• What type of accommodations do you want to stay in? Are you ok with hostels, or would you rather an airbnb or a hotel? 

• What do you want to do while you travel? Do you like to eat in fancy restaurants, holes in the wall, or a bit both? Do you like going on tours, and if so, are you ok with group tours or do you want private?

All the above will help you determine how much you will likely spend on your trip, and how much you need to aim to save.

Don’t stop living your life

The point of planning and having a solid savings strategy is to not have to make a ton of sacrifices along the way. Don’t stop living your life, but do it smartly. For instance, if you are thinking about buying property and have been able to put some money aside for a down payment, don’t let the idea of the upcoming trip scare you off. Instead, think about how you can do both smartly, for example by buying a place that you can rent while you are on your trip. Research what rents well in your area and buy and furnish with that in mind. We have been doing this for a while, even renting our car through Turo, and we highly recommend it. This can even turn into passive income while you travel, and doesn’t that sound great?

These five things have been the most meaningful for us in this journey. We would love to see more people doing this! Let’s change the status quo, and revolutionize how we think about work and the set of expectations we carry around for no good reason.

Below are the most common questions we have been asked about our trip so far. If you have others, please reach out! I will be adding them below as we get them.

FAQ

• How long have you been planning for this?

  • We started saving for this about a decade ago. You could, of course, quit your job and go travel the world without having saved much money at all, and then find jobs along the way. Plenty of people do this and there are lots of blogs about this. This is not what we did. We, specifically, wanted to *not* have to worry about money while we traveled.

• Where are you going?

  • We don’t have a specific itinerary, but in general terms we want to see parts of the Balkans (Greece, Croatia, Bosnia), Central Asia (Kyrgyzstan, Turkmenistan, Uzbekistan, Tajikistan), Western Asia (Iran, Turkey, Georgia, Armenia, Azerbaijan), and Latin America (Costa Rica, Colombia, Peru, Ecuador, Brazil)

• How are you choosing where to go?

  • We have traveled a lot (66 countries combined) and have spent a lot of time in certain areas of the world, such as South East Asia and Western Europe, so with this trip we want to explore areas we don’t know much about (or feel like we should know more, such as Latin American)

• What will you be doing in every place you go?

  • It will depend on the destination! But we are passionate about food, nature, and history, so things related to those for sure

• What are you packing?

  • This has been SO HARD (specially for Carla, who is notoriously bad at it…). But we decided to take carry-ons! We will be creating content on this topic in particular, more on this soon!

• How will you manage your budget?

  • Honestly, not very scientifically. We saved money for the trip, and we will divide that budget into 12 and monitor it as we go. We are hoping we can also make some passive income from renting our home and car while traveling, but we will see. I am sure we will have a better answer to this once we are on the road and spending money 

• What will you do after the 1 year of travel?

  • WE DON’T KNOW. That is the whole point. We want to take the year to decompress from lots of years of working non-stop, and reconsider what we want to do next. Maybe even figure out how to make a business out of our biggest passion: TRAVELING!

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Alan and I are atheists. We don’t believe in god. This is an unpopular believe to have in most countries around the world, including where we are from (Venezuela and Mexico) and where we live (US and Mexico).

Being from a predominately religious country makes it quite easy to avoid answering a question about your religion. I was born in a catholic country, graduated from a catholic high school, was baptized and confirmed. I am, for all intents and purposes, a Catholic.

But, I am not.

For Alan it’s even more complex, since Judaism is commonly used as a race/ethnicity (it is not) rather than a religion. Being from a Jewish family automatically makes you Jewish in most people eyes. Alan was born in a Jewish family, went to Jewish schools, had a bar-mitzvah, didn’t have friends who weren’t Jewish until he was 15 (and he lived in Mexico City, where less than 1% of the population is Jewish!). For all intents and purposes, he is Jewish.

But, he is not.

It would be extremely easy for us to avoid the religion question, but we choose not to. I find this similar to the decision of not wanting kids. It’s very controversial, and also very easily avoidable (answering the “you don’t have kids yet?” with “nope, not yet”). But why should we avoid it? Why do people avoid answering any question at all? Because you don’t want to be judged, because you don’t want to be shamed, because you don’t want to have to explain yourself. I understand, it’s taxing. It takes time and effort to explain to someone that you can be a good person and not believe in god. But, we choose not to avoid it.

Just as we want to help normalize the decision to be childfree, we want to help normalize the decision to not believe in god.

We are not here to try to convince anyone to become an atheist. People can believe in whatever they want, and there are many reasons people choose to believe: to find solace in difficult times, to find meaning in life, to explain how the universe came to be, or simply because they were raised that way. Those are all valid reasons. Our objective in writing this is twofold: 

1. To try to normalize what is a perfectly reasonable believe, to not believe, in order to encourage atheists to be proud, and religious people to be acceptant

2. To highlight the importance of the separation between state and church, which at least in the US (and many other countries) it’s very much intertwined, and harmful

Atheism is Misunderstood

Although statistics are hard to measure, there is no denying that atheism is growing around the world. Regardless, people are so often shamed and demonized by this believe that they are not vocal about it, and this perpetuates the stereotypes about who is an atheist and what does it mean to be one. I think this is specially true in Latin America, the Middle East, and Africa, as those are the areas with less amount of atheism, but it’s also true in the Unites States.

Do you know of any US politician that is openly atheist? Probably not, because there are basically none, and this is not because they all actually believe in god – I can assure you many don’t – but because being open about it can easily cost you an election. Even the few that are not religious go to great lengths to not call themselves atheists, such as congressman Jared Huffman in 2017 characterizing himself as “humanist and non-religious” because “atheism seems to bring with it the notion of being anti-religion as opposed to non-religious, and I prefer non-religious because I just want everyone to make their own religious choices. I’m not against them having religion.”  But being an atheist doesn’t mean you are against anyone having a religion. And unfortunately this sort of public discourse  just perpetuates the negative connotations around atheism.

The simple truth is that many politicians don’t say they are atheists because it could very likely cost them their political careers. But, the more they do this the more atheism becomes tainted, and a bad thing to be. A Gallup poll done in 2019 tested the willingness of Americans to vote for “President of Various Backgrounds” and almost at the end of that list – after black, catholic, hispanic, jewish, a woman, gay, lesbian, young, muslim – was atheist, with only 60% of people saying they would be willing to vote for an atheist. This is much better than the 18% found in 1958, but still, it’s certainly not high, and based on who we actually elect to office I have my doubts about that self-reported number. At the bottom of the list? socialist, which could become its own separate blog post…

Atheism & Communism are Intertwined in the American Mind

Why is atheism demonized in the first place in the Unites States? Interestingly, even though many colonists came to America in search of religious freedom, that freedom only extended to other religions, and popular belief at that time said atheists couldn’t be good people and shouldn’t be brought into the social contract. So, it was shocking that the founding fathers (Jefferson in particular) decided to separate church and state by creating a “godless constitution” and enacting a “wall of separation”.

But this didn’t stop the general population from stigmatizing atheism, and denouncing anyone who was critical of religion. Then, blasphemy and sabbatarian laws were enacted across the country and many states didn’t even permit non-believers to give testimony in court (!).  Finally, the Cold War.

At the height of the war the threat to America was Communism, and as things began to get more heated Eisenhower decided to demonize communism by demonizing atheism.

“From the root of atheism stems the evil weed of communism” – congressman Louis Rabaut

This was a Holy War, and the communists were bad, specifically because they didn’t believe in god. Eisenhower was incredibly successful in this campaign. He got Congress to add “One nation under God” to the pledge of alliance, a prayer breakfast appeared on the White House calendar, a prayer room opened in the Capitol, and he replaced the US motto (“out of many, one“) with “In God we trust“, and posted it in all government buildings, public schools, and even our currency. Two centuries after the founders wrote a godless constitution, god was put right back in it.

The fear of communism became the fear of atheism. Although it has been decades since the Cold War, for many that fear hasn’t gone away, as evident in the Gallup poll from above: the worst two things you can be is atheist and socialist. Alan and I are pretty screwed .

The Case for the Separation of Church & State

But what is the harm of the commingling of church and state? Well, plenty. First, it can (and does) lead to public funds being used for religious aims, such as schools becoming instruments of the state’s preferred religion. It leads to the ostracizing of not only atheists but believers of other religions, when for instance the pledge of alliance gets instituted in recitals in schools or official prayer time is led by the government (even if, or specially so, if you don’t have to participate). It leads to public money being restricted for reproductive care based on the employer religious beliefs. It leads to discrimination in the name of religion, for instance with marriage equality and transgender rights. As a whole, it leads to the rise of fundamentalism.

Church and state should be separated, totally and completely. There should be no “In God we trust” posted all over government buildings, no taxpayer money funding religious institutions and religious schools, no employer deciding what women can and cannot do with their bodies, no discrimination based on who you choose to marry. Period.

Are you an Atheist?

Now that we are at the end of this blog post, I think I should probably define what I mean by atheism, since there are conflicting definitions out there.  At its most basic, atheism is “the absence of belief in the existence of deities”. According to this, if you believe that we are “all connected” or that “we have souls”, but don’t believe in a god/deity, then by definition you are an atheist. However, I think the more popular understanding of atheism goes beyond not believing in god, and includes not believing in any after life – basically that once you die nothing at all happens, that this is the only life we get, that there are no grandma’s in heaven watching over us or criminals in hell paying for what they have done.

It’s  becoming increasingly common to label oneself as “spiritual but not religious”. But the definition of that is even more fluid. Usually, being spiritual means having an individual practice linked to finding a sense of peace and purpose, and it often goes hand in hand with yoga/meditation practices, astrology, and the existence of an after life. You could believe in god and call yourself spiritual, or not believe in god or an after life and still call yourself that. I think that fluid (and positive) definition is what makes it such an appealing label, much more so than the tainted atheist one.

We are atheists through and through, we don’t believe in god or in an afterlife. But, that doesn’t stop us from believing in plenty of other things. First and foremost, we believe in ourselves and in each other. We believe that most people are inherently good. We believe in the healing power of nature. We believe that traveling and exposing oneself to other cultures and ways of living is the best antidote to ignorance and hate. We believe that how you react to what happens to you is much more important that what happens to you. We believe in the glass half full. We believe in you.

We believe in peace and love, my friends!

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We are childfree and in our 30s. You know, the decade many people have kids and, more importantly, the decade considered by most to be the “last one” to decide to have them, the one in which we will supposedly “feel the urge” to be parents. So we get asked *the* question a lot. The usual conversation goes like this:

• stranger: do you have children?

• us: “nope”

• stranger: “ah, not yet!”

• us: ” no, we don’t want to have kids”

• stranger: *very awkward silence*

“It’s ok”, we have to tell them, falling on us to console strangers who are all of a sudden stricken by grief for the unborn child of a couple they just met. You don’t have to feel sorry for us, we are going to be ok. The more times this interaction plays out the more frustrated I feel about the shame society wants to impose on us for this choice. But the thing is, we are not ashamed. 

With time I have become more and more open about our choice and more and more assertive about it being as good a choice as any. Yes, we understand we are missing out on something. Just like all parents are missing out on a life without kids and on all the things a childfree life can bring. I am an only child so people with siblings like to tell me “I can’t imagine my life without my brother/sister!” and of course you don’t, they exist!, just as I can’t imagine a life with them, because they never existed for me. Think about it.

After the initial shock of us choosing to not have kids sinks in, we usually get the next question: *why??* Well, there are many reasons, and I thought it was about time to write them down in the hopes of normalizing this choice, but also to have something handy to share when people ask

We want to have complete freedom of movement

We want to go where we want to, when we want to, in whatever way we want to. For years we have been focused on creating a nomadic life, having multiple bases, fully remote jobs, and living in many different locations throughout the year. Although we understand we could - in theory - have such a life with kids, we simply don’t want to. We want to be free to make sudden, and sometimes irrational, decisions without worrying.

We want to semi-retire early

We know we would make different financials decisions if we had kids. We will be quitting our jobs to long-term travel in a couple years and afterwards we don’t want to come back to the same grind. We want to work less and have less stressful jobs, which will likely pay less. We are ok with this, but we wouldn’t be if we decided to have kids.

We don’t believe happiness and a fulfilling life is only achieved by having children

Over the course of our lives we are told many many stories that we internalize as being facts but are in fact myths. One of those is that the only way to truly be fulfilled is by having children. We call BS to that. People without children don’t just go around having a void in their lives forever, they instead go after passions and meaningful life paths different from those with kids. 

We don’t think we should have kids

We don’t feel (or maybe we just choose to ignore), society’s pressure to have children. We don’t think anyone “should” have them, it shouldn’t be an assumption, it shouldn’t be a must, but rather it should be treated as any other (informed and intentional) choice.

We don’t believe we need to replace ourselves

The earth is over populated already. Climate change is real and devastating and won’t be going away. Bringing a child into this mess of a world is scary to us, and we are very unattached to the idea of “passing our genes”, whatever than means.

We don’t need to have kids to be part of kids lives

We love kids and really like being the fun uncle and aunt. We are committed to being part of specific children’s lives and to build meaningful relationships with them, but they don’t have to be our own.

We are not afraid of regretting the decision to not have children

As Rachel Chrastil says in How to be Childless: “when we fear future regret, we mistrust ourselves.” Fearing future regret is basically doubting that we know ourselves today and that our current desires and preferences won’t be the basis of what we want in the future. Have you ever seen a friend after years of not seeing or speaking to them and felt like they hadn’t changed one bit? How is it possible that even though the world around us has changed a lot, and we personally think *we* have changed a lot, this other person hasn’t? The truth is that the essence of who we are remains the same regardless of how much time goes by or how much we have changed. I have learned to not doubt myself today believing I will be someone else in the future. I have also learned to not allow society to bully me into feeling like I *should* regret it.

We won’t have children just because we are afraid of growing old alone

There has to be more than that to have children. Deciding to have children because of this seems like agreeing to a long and hard commitment based on an uncertain future promise. So nope, we are ok and not afraid to grow old without children to “take care of us”.

In a nutshell, we like our life just the way it is and we are not interested in bringing a child into the mix. The above are our personal reasons, but any other reason would be absolutely valid as well. You don’t like children? That counts. You don’t really want to be a mother? That’s fine. You don’t want to spend time and energy raising a child? Good for you. You want a less stressful life? Understandable. If you have decided not to have children, whatever reason you have is valid.

The fact is that not being sure about this major life decision is more common than you think. Just trust yourself, things are going to be ok with or without children.

My hope is that being childfree by choice becomes normalized, that people can be assertive about stating this decision without fearing the reaction, and that it doesn’t generate shock and pity but rather be met like any other important decision we make in our lives, such as moving cities or changing jobs. 

If you have decided to be childfree, I’d love to hear your reasons!

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I applied to become a citizen of the United States of America in 2019. But, the meaning of that didn’t really sink in until I received the notice for the citizenship interview early in 2020. The notice destabilized me, made my head spin and my heart sink, I wanted nothing more than to sit down and write what I was feeling, so here we are.

To me, becoming a United States citizen means nothing… and it also means everything.

It means nothing because it’s too late, because more than any other feeling what I feel is anger. I have been living in this country for 12 years — how could it possibly take this long to recognize that I in fact have made a life here? that I am an asset to this society? that diversity should be desired and promoted? It means nothing because the more I read about the past history - and live in the present history - of this country the more I feel far away, removed from what it represents, what it has done and continues to do to its own citizens and others around the world. Because I know I won’t feel American as I feel I am Venezuelan, or even Italian. (Although of course I AM American, since I was born in the American continent, as any Mexican, Argentinian, Peruvian, Guatemalan, Uruguayan, etc, etc. But that is a topic for another day.)

But, becoming a United States citizen also means everything. Because I have been here for incredibly formative years. Because I am who I am because I have lived here for so long. Because I dream, read, write, and think in English as well as Spanish. Because the opportunities I found here I wouldn’t have found anywhere else. Because I feel the struggles of the United States as my struggles. Because I already fight for this country to be what I think it could be. Because I am a United States citizen in every single way except that piece of paper.

Getting to this point hasn’t been an easy journey, it’s been 12 years of living, working, loving, crying, playing, existing on a place that I don’t fully feel as “mine”, a place I have never really belonged to, and in which I am reminded of this often, even in the subtlest of interactions. Being an immigrant means always having a condition dangling on the top of your head, always carrying a “what if?” on your mind.

I am without a doubt one of the luckiest ones of the more than 45million immigrants in this country, a significant mass of people working hard (and in many cases harder than anyone else), striving to do things “right”, pressured by expectations, and minimized by stereotypes… millions of people whose identities are questioned, their lives importance doubted out loud every single day.

The story of immigration is a common one, millions of immigrants all over the world feel the same way: not here, not there, not from the place you come from anymore, not from the place you are in right now. A constant identity struggle, a push and pull of the soul, a never ending search for what it means to belong. But some countries facilitate that discovery, make it easier for immigrants to fit it, make you feel valuable faster. Others make it much harder, make you jump through hoops, make it clear you are not “one of them”, and make the road to becoming one a grueling - sometimes literally impossible - journey. The United States is in that latter camp, of course.

One of the most insulting comments I have received (many times) due to being an immigrant is in response to any critical judgement about this country, which I provide liberally to anyone who asks. It is the “if you don’t like it, why don’t you leave?” remark. It makes my blood boil. If you are not constantly questioning, speaking up, educating yourself, and pushing for the country you live in to be truly great - to be fair, to be moral, to be admirable, to be an example, to be everything that you know it can be - then maybe you should be the one to leave.

The United States is a wonderful country in many respects, but it can also be brutally harsh to immigrants, especially those that need the shelter the most. The immigration laws in this country are fucked up and need a big overhaul… but in the meantime, here are five things you can do in your day to day interactions with immigrants to make it easier:

1. Don’t compare countries. Specifically, don’t tell us the United States is the best country in the world and leave it at that. Countries are too complex to discuss in such general terms.  It is absolutely fine to be critical of other countries and love your own, but learn to also be critical of what surrounds you, detach yourself from what you have always been told to feel or believe about other countries and your own. Accept that the U.S. is by no means perfect.  

2. Know that we are not that different from each other. Many more things unite us than divide us, regardless of where you come from and what you believe in. This becomes even more clearer the more you travel, the more you get out there and talk to people that you *think* are totally different from you. We all live, work, play, love, and die, and that is bigger than most people realize.

3. TRAVEL MORE. I know, I know, this is hard to do right now. But, there are ways to travel from the comfort of your home for now, listen to travel podcasts, read books from around the world , watch global documentaries.

4. Don’t assume anything about us or our country. Instead, ASK about us and our countries, share your experiences and what you have read or been told about, be curious instead of judgmental.

5. Don’t be condescending. Don’t treat us like children, don’t say “3rd world country”, don’t talk about our countries dismissively, like there is nothing to learn from them. Know that not speaking English perfectly doesn’t mean we are stupid. Immigrants speak another totally different language perfectly (and in many cases multiple ones!), one you probably don’t even know a word of.

This might sound like basic advice to you, but you’d be surprised how much of this immigrants have to endure on a daily basis.

That citizenship interview didn’t end up happening, and it’s still pending a reschedule given covid. But hopefully, at some point in the near future, I will be one of the more than 750,000 people that get naturalized and become United States citizens every year. But, that piece of paper will not take away my accent, my natural rhythm and love for salsa music, my desire to fight against the injustices I see in this country, my love for sun and warm weather, my determination to criticize without fear (or as we say in Venezuela: ‘sin pelos en la lengua’), or my latina curves (thankfully!). People will always know I wasn’t born here, I will always get that question asked, “where are you from?”, and I will say: I am Venezuelan, and I am also Italian… and hopefully soon: I am American, and I will continue to do what is in my power to make those societies, and others I live in and visit, better places for everyone.  

What does being an American mean to you?